A Letter To Any Man Who Ever Ghosted Me

To Any Man Who Ever Ghosted Me, 

What happened? Honestly, what happened? You told me exactly what I wanted to hear, tricked me into letting my guard down, and then ghosted me with zero explanation. 

I’d understand the lack of response if we’d only seen each other once or twice, but we slept together, shared secrets, and allowed ourselves to be true and vulnerable in each other’s presence. No text, no call, no email, nothing? What happened to the time we spent? Did you just forget about it?

What is going on in your life that you aren’t able to speak to me? Are you scared? Fear a blazing conflict? I once read some ghosters have reported “being confused with their feelings” and needing time to work things out. Why not just tell me, “I need some time to work this out”?

Or did you never consider me relationship-worthy? Did you just take the backdoor solution because you’re not man enough to be honest in the fact that you’re no longer interested? Was this a way for you to avoid accountability while hoping I just get the hint? Ghosting may have been your attempt to avoid being the villain, but the act only made you more cowardly.

Simply put, ghosting is rude and, quite frankly, weak. Intentionally ignoring a person without an explanation is one of the most passive-aggressive forms of human behavior. You owe me the courtesy to let me know, with your words, why you want to cut it off, even if doing so makes you the bad guy for a second. 

However, instead of putting on your big boy pants, you left me feeling confused and hurt. You left me with insecurity where there should have been an answer.

I’m left questioning myself. What did I do wrong? Did I offend him? Was it something I said? Was it my appearance? Did I require too much of him? Did I hold him accountable for his actions? Was I pushy, needy, or too much of a distraction? But most of all, it makes me revisit my scars from previous relationships.  

Sure, I’m starting to become more resilient to this kind of behavior, but it sucks to be rejected. It’s awkward, lonely, sad, and temporarily defeating. Ghosting hurts because there’s no sense of closure. Most relationships end with a painful moral lesson — a blessing in disguise — but when you leave someone hanging without closure, then there is no life lesson. There is no closure.

But eventually, I circle back to reality and realize it’s not me. It’s you. Eventually, you’ll come back around. They all do. You see, literally every single guy who has ghosted me has come back around.

But I won’t pick up the phone when you realize you fucked up. You’re no longer going to be able to watch my Instastory or keep tabs on me. I’ve disconnected all of the ways you could possibly check in on me. I deleted you on WhatsApp, Twitter, and Instagram, because… out of sight, out of mind!

So, while you did not extend the same courtesy, I’ll leave you with this: It’s a pity we didn’t work out, but I find comfort in knowing that God makes no mistakes. 




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This Post Has 15 Comments

  1. Level 1: It’s easy to fall for a face, we feel with our eyes first that’s simple.

    Level 2: To uncover the layers and feel with your mind is a little harder and very tricky because you can make up a persons expectations based on your own. You can ignore the obvious based on you own imagination.

    Level 3: To feel with your spirt is the most difficult it requires a total invitation into one’s innermost self.

    This is my retort to the ghost. You never really connect on level 3 and ghost or get ghosted, therefore when a ghost occurs the only emotion should be damn that was abrupt.

    We all want closure but sh*t happens. It is rude but everyone has a reasonable dedication to self preservation and unfortunately sometimes that comes without explanation to others. Not defending by any means.

    I guess the easiest way to heal is to start healing! If the person didn’t see your dopeness then you got off easy because you were not sure supposed to vibrate with that person.

    You many never read this, if you do I hope it makes sense. It’s hard to express a completed thought for the sake a quick read.


  2. Good write up. There a multiple reasons a man will Ghost someone. The most common one is, they are still connected with their past. They venture out for something new. Not meaning to catch feelings but they end up doing so. The only way to detach is to Ghost. As hurtful as it is, it’s a sad truth. When things don’t work out as they planned with their past, they run back to you. You’ve changed, matured more, and they’re hoping by a slim chance you will give them another chance.

    I’m sorry it happened to you.

  3. It’s you…and them. You pick men with huge character flaws mainly b/c you have huge character flaws. You nor the men who date you are good human beings. It’s as simple as that.
    If you want men to stop ghosting you, become a better person. Once you do that, then you’ll learn how to pick better human beings for yourself.
    But none of this is what you want to hear. You’re going to continue go be the person you are and get the same men you’ve always gotten. And you’ll still be single and complaining 2-3 more years from now.

    1. lol. God bless you, sweetheart.

    2. She’s been with many men who have not ghosted her. And I’m sure many men want her that she has had to turn down, but she didn’t GHOST them. She let them down in a nice, gentle way. It’s not her. It’s the ghoster. Just because we are the best healthy version of ourselves doesn’t mean we can’t fall prey to a ghosted. Heck, it’s hard to tell nowadays.

  4. I feel that for somebody to ghost you is not to know you. They may have thought they knew you, but they didn’t really know you at all. “For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us.” 1 John 2:19.

  5. It makes it almost scary putting yourself in the dating world. You take a risk just saying Hi to another human, not knowing what their reaction is going to be. Especially when you have to be on pins and needles knowing that ghosting, lies, etc are all common now and up most people’s sleeve. Imagine meeting a guy, things go well, he’s blowing up your phone to be with you and talk to you. Then all of a sudden he looses interest, or vanishes completely.

    1. I agree! It’s scary, but it also makes it all worth it when you really find the right person.

    2. I agree, dating is anxiety inducing . It’s mentally easier to be single .

    3. I agree, dating is anxiety inducing and hurtful . It’s mentally easier to be single .

      1. All these men play the same hurtful games, iI think I like to remain lonely and single.

  6. Wow thank you for all of your mindsets. I feel better knowing it was not me.

  7. I think guys do this for control . If they keep coming back it’s to gain some Type of control over the relationship. In their mind, you will be so happy that they came back around that you are willing to do anything to keep them there.

  8. Not sure why you are gendering this issue. Are you under the impression men ghost more than women . . . if that’s true I feel really sorry for you ladies. In point of fact, you’re just as bad as us if not worse.

  9. Thanks for writing this… You really put into words my feelings after being ghosted. I really appreciate just seeing this from another ghosting victim.

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