A Letter To Any Man Who Ever Ghosted Me

To Any Man Who Ever Ghosted Me, 

What happened? Honestly, what happened? You told me exactly what I wanted to hear, tricked me into letting my guard down, and then ghosted me with zero explanation. 

I’d understand the lack of response if we’d only seen each other once or twice, but we slept together, shared secrets, and allowed ourselves to be true and vulnerable in each other’s presence. No text, no call, no email, nothing? What happened to the time we spent? Did you just forget about it?

What is going on in your life that you aren’t able to speak to me? Are you scared? Fear a blazing conflict? I once read some ghosters have reported “being confused with their feelings” and needing time to work things out. Why not just tell me, “I need some time to work this out”?

Or did you never consider me relationship-worthy? Did you just take the backdoor solution because you’re not man enough to be honest in the fact that you’re no longer interested? Was this a way for you to avoid accountability while hoping I just get the hint? Ghosting may have been your attempt to avoid being the villain, but the act only made you more cowardly.

Simply put, ghosting is rude and, quite frankly, weak. Intentionally ignoring a person without an explanation is one of the most passive-aggressive forms of human behavior. You owe me the courtesy to let me know, with your words, why you want to cut it off, even if doing so makes you the bad guy for a second. 

However, instead of putting on your big boy pants, you left me feeling confused and hurt. You left me with insecurity where there should have been an answer.

I’m left questioning myself. What did I do wrong? Did I offend him? Was it something I said? Was it my appearance? Did I require too much of him? Did I hold him accountable for his actions? Was I pushy, needy, or too much of a distraction? But most of all, it makes me revisit my scars from previous relationships.  

Sure, I’m starting to become more resilient to this kind of behavior, but it sucks to be rejected. It’s awkward, lonely, sad, and temporarily defeating. Ghosting hurts because there’s no sense of closure. Most relationships end with a painful moral lesson — a blessing in disguise — but when you leave someone hanging without closure, then there is no life lesson. There is no closure.

But eventually, I circle back to reality and realize it’s not me. It’s you. Eventually, you’ll come back around. They all do. You see, literally every single guy who has ghosted me has come back around.

But I won’t pick up the phone when you realize you fucked up. You’re no longer going to be able to watch my Instastory or keep tabs on me. I’ve disconnected all of the ways you could possibly check in on me. I deleted you on WhatsApp, Twitter, and Instagram, because… out of sight, out of mind!

So, while you did not extend the same courtesy, I’ll leave you with this: It’s a pity we didn’t work out, but I find comfort in knowing that God makes no mistakes. 

Best,

Ash

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This Post Has 2 Comments

  1. Level 1: It’s easy to fall for a face, we feel with our eyes first that’s simple.

    Level 2: To uncover the layers and feel with your mind is a little harder and very tricky because you can make up a persons expectations based on your own. You can ignore the obvious based on you own imagination.

    Level 3: To feel with your spirt is the most difficult it requires a total invitation into one’s innermost self.

    This is my retort to the ghost. You never really connect on level 3 and ghost or get ghosted, therefore when a ghost occurs the only emotion should be damn that was abrupt.

    We all want closure but sh*t happens. It is rude but everyone has a reasonable dedication to self preservation and unfortunately sometimes that comes without explanation to others. Not defending by any means.

    I guess the easiest way to heal is to start healing! If the person didn’t see your dopeness then you got off easy because you were not sure supposed to vibrate with that person.

    You many never read this, if you do I hope it makes sense. It’s hard to express a completed thought for the sake a quick read.

    Montez

  2. Good write up. There a multiple reasons a man will Ghost someone. The most common one is, they are still connected with their past. They venture out for something new. Not meaning to catch feelings but they end up doing so. The only way to detach is to Ghost. As hurtful as it is, it’s a sad truth. When things don’t work out as they planned with their past, they run back to you. You’ve changed, matured more, and they’re hoping by a slim chance you will give them another chance.

    I’m sorry it happened to you.

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