Some of our most commonly used phrases were built on the backs of our most unfortunate moments. “When it rains, it pours.” “Bad things happen in 3’s.” Last week was one of those weeks for me.

Now days, I’m Queen Questions when it comes to my friends inviting me out. “Where? What time? What are you wearing? Who’s going? Who’s driving? Is there parking?” These are all questions I hope will annoy her and force her to say “Girl, forget it!” On Saturday night, that didn’t work. I fired off question after question but she had stamina that night. Ultimately, I had no viable excuse as to why I could not go out & watch the games with a group of friends. I reluctantly started getting dressed, but as soon as I turned on the Beats Pill, turned Future all the way up, I was excited. It’s always a good night once I get out, I just have to actually GET OUT.

God was on my side & things were starting to shape up to a good night. Lashes went on seamlessly, my little half up/half down hairdo came out better than I anticipated, and it was 9pm on Saturday night and there was no traffic in the Lincoln Tunnel. It was short lived. I proceeded to look for parking for another 58 minutes. Yes, I counted. When I finally found a spot I looked at my friend and in the most annoyed tone possible mumbled “This is why I don’t come out.”

Before I got out the car I muttered; “If we are going to keep going from here, I’m going to leave my car and we can just call a car service k? I’m not looking for parking all night.” She agreed, not wanting to deal with my passive aggressive BS anymore.

I’ll be honest, the night shaped up to be a blast. I caught up with old friends, saw Kevin Hart preform two impromptu comedy shows, and laughed until 4AM.

Do you remember when I mentioned I said was going to leave my car parked if we kept going? Right, so we kept going. At 4AM, we were somewhere in my old NYU stomping grounds, the Village. My car you ask? 23rd street. My friend’s ex had met up with us halfway through the night and he offered to drop me at my car.

I should preface this with, he’s not my favorite. I don’t dislike him as a person, I like him, I just dislike him as my friend’s boyfriend. You know you want your friends to date responsible, respectful, endearing men. Maybe his assets are in other areas, not the boyfriend department. Back to the point, tonight he was nice enough to offer me a ride to my car, I took it.

When we arrived to my car, I thanked him, hopped out of his car and jumped into the driver’s seat of mine. I turned to reach for my driver’s side door and couldn’t believe what was happening. He was pulling off, WITH my driver’s side door. No. This isn’t life. Saturday night was officially over.

The next morning, Sunday, after 6 weeks of procrastination, I finally hired a handy man to come and install my new TV. I received a new TV for my birthday and it had been sitting in an obnoxiously oversized box in my living room since the end of January. Don’t ask why it took so long to put it up. I’m busy. Anyhow, he shows up, an hour late, but it was no indication of his work, or so I thought. He was nice, quick, clean, quiet & got the job done. Before he left I connected the TV to the internet, clicked Netflix, opened up a movie, paid and thanked him. He was out within the hour. Look at God, it’s going to be a good weekend after all.

It wasn’t until 6 hours later when I tried to curl up on my sofa and watch The Americans that I noticed the cable wasn’t working. I did the routine: checked the cable box in my room, unplugged the cable box, HDMI cables, AND the TV. I tried again. Nothing. Okay, maybe it’s installed incorrectly, my handy guy wasn’t so handy after all huh?

Here I am in my living room, throwing around manuals, searching for spare HDMI cable, cable cords, something, anything, nothing. I finally gave up and realized it’s time to call Hell, I mean, Samsung customer care. Forty-five minutes later, no solution. I didn’t have it in me to call the cable company that night. I threw in the towel and curled up in my bed with a book.

I reached over to my nightstand and grabbed my phone off the charger, the screen was black. I clicked the power button, saw the apple pop up and threw my phone on my bed. A few minutes later, I saw the apple was stillllllll loading. Oh no. No. No. No. I turned it off again. Tried again. Over and over again. For the second time that night, I accepted defeat and called insurance.

The assistant in me kicked in troubleshoot mode, took my old T-mobile Samsung Galaxy, called AT&T and had them forward all my calls to the old line. I signed into my iMessage and was basically back in business. I could do this for 48 hours until my new phone arrived.

I laid in bed that night thinking about “losing” my Car, TV, and Cell Phone in 24 hours. I know what you’re thinking… Mercury must be in Retrograde.

People, myself totally included, throw around that phrase around as the blame for almost anything in life. There’s even a website: http://www.ismercuryinretrograde.com/.

Dwelling over making a new decision?

“Ok, but you know they say ‘Don’t make life changing decisions while Mercury is in retrograde’”

Ex boyfriends popping out of the woodwork?

“Girl… Don’t you know Mercury is in Retrograde?”

This weekend’s events finally pushed me to do the google search on Mercury in Retrograde that I’ve been wanting to do for years.

Retrograde motion is an APPARENT change in the movement of the planet through the sky. Normally, the planets move west-to-east through the stars at night. This is referred to as prograde motion. However, periodiocally the motion changes and they move east-to-west through the stars. We call this retrograde motion. The retrograde motion continues for a short time and then the motion switches back to prograde. It is not REAL in that the planet does not physically start moving backwards in its orbit. It just appears to do so because of the relative positions of the planet and Earth and how they are moving around the Sun.

Ok so here it is in layman’s terms(and as I understand it) the “illusion” of Mercury in Retrograde is when Earth aligns with Mercury and it appears to be traveling backwards. How does it have an effect on astrology? When it comes to astrology, Mercury rules communication, clear thinking, truth and travel, so when the planet goes retrograde — which means that it looks like it’s going backwards in the sky — all those things go backwards. They start to get ugly and tangle up. In 2017, Mercury is in retrograde:

December 19, 2016 to January 8, 2017 — From earth-sign Capricorn, to fire-sign Sagittarius.

April 9 — May 3,2017- From earth-sign Taurus, to fire-sign Aries.

August 12 — September 5, 2017 From earth-sign Virgo, ends in fire-sign Leo

December 3 — December 22, 2017 in earth fire-sign Sagittarius.

*Note: this data is a collection of a semi thorough google search. It’s a combination of the most frequently occurring dates & signs. I’m not an astrologist, please do not come for my Retrograde facts.

It is safe to say after all of this research, not only are we not currently in a retrograde, I’m also not any of the zodiac signs listed above. My weekend in fact had NOTHING to do with Mercury in Retrograde and perhaps instead in that case, when it rains, it just pours