Dear Rulers Of The Free World,

I have a few requests that need to be addressed. I do not believe I’m alone with these feelings and quite frankly, I believe our country would be a much better place to live if we could all just decide to agree on a few of them.  

#1. Are we swiping or are we inserting the chip?

It’s officially enough. Can we make a unanimous decision? I swipe my debit card, the cashier tells me to insert it. I insert my debit card, cashier asks me to swipe it.  I take it out, flip it around, swipe again. Oh insert? Sure, insert. “ Wait . Don’t take it out yet. Ok, Take it out.”  We introduced these payment machines with dual capability, yet only the swipe or the chip reader works at one time, never both.

Guys, all we did was add 45 more seconds to our checkout process.  Credit card fraud is still happening.  To be honest, based on the scammer activity happening on instagram, the chip has not stopped anyone from stealing information.  We just made the hackers step up their game.

#2. Can we decide on 1 set of password rules?

It’s actually becoming impossible to remember all of my passwords. This website requires 1 capital letter. That website requires 1 capital letter and 1 number. The next website requires 1 capital letter, 1 number, and 1 special character. Like seriously, special character? Who was the genius in the meeting who suggested throwing that in there?

God forbid, I forget my password and want to change it to something I’ve already used before. No, no no, not so fast. On some sites, we cannot even use a password we’ve used in the last 3 years.

Bruh. I’m running out of creative ideas to spice up my password.

#3 While we’re at it, let us throw usernames in there too.

Why does the internet ever  want us to have a username other than our email? What is this, AOL? Some of my usernames look like bad old school AOL/AIM screen names. Some terrible mix of my first name with a sequence of numbers I THINK I’ll remember at that moment.   AsHLeY112233445566778899.

On top of the 32 random passwords I’ve created now I have to remember usernames too?  No. Let’s quit it.

#4 3-way Facetime is past due. Can someone hit the green light on this already?

Who do we need to write a letter to in Congress to move these plans along?  Why doesn’t 3 way facetime exist yet? All in favor say “I”?!

Apple, we know you already have the entire concept mapped out.  What edition of iphone is this a part of? iPhone 10?

There’s no reason that 3-way facetime should take this long. Me & my girlfriends have come up with inventive ways. “Here girl, you call my laptop, I’m going to call Jenn on my iPhone and raise the volume.”

Come on, it’s too much. You are seriously slowing down the gossip game.

#5 Let’s get rid of charging for extra sauce, dressing, actually, ANY condiments.

Who’s the judge of how much sauce is required for a 6 piece chicken nugget meal? Who died and made the tiny 2 tablespoon plastic containers the perfect amount of salad dressing? If I want to draw a line of ketchup along every single one of my fries, I should be able to.

There can’t possibly be that much money lost from giving people enough sauce to enjoy their meal. I should be able to dress up my food any way I see fit without having to throw pennies & quarters at the bill.

Enough is enough.

So friends, family, and justice warriors, if we could come to terms on these small areas of weakness we could really prove to accomplish some real work in this country. Oh wait, just for good measure, one extra request. If we could unite on this last one, I see us moving towards total world peace:

#6 What are the TSA rules?

I probably go to the airport 6 times a month- minimum. I should know the rules by now, however for some reason the rules depend on what city you’re in and what TSA agent face. Can we get one set of rules, for everyone, everywhere? That would be great.

• Do I need a zip lock bag or not?
• Does my ipad/laptop stay in or come out?
• Shoes or no shoes?
• Why are Pre-Check & Priority Access lanes closed 50% of the time?

Just imagine what would happen if our country decided to agree on the basics? We have to start somewhere and then move on to more complex issues like, Healthcare.

Who knows, this may be start of the Ashley for President 2020? 😉 Oh wait, I won’t be old enough to run for President yet. Ok, well, whatever. You get it.