Why Do I Date Difficult Men?

Last week, I received a text from Nicole that said… “It was so refreshing to see you with a man who isn’t difficult.” I read it again and the words hit me even harder. “It was so refreshing to see you with a man who isn’t difficult.”

I smiled to myself because she was right. It is refreshing to be with someone who isn’t difficult. I never realized that about myself, but she was 100% correct. I usually end up with difficult guys. Literally, guys who are picky, guys who absolutely “WON’T” do this, or who “MUST” do that. You know, the types of guys who can’t seem to go with the flow, who always seem to have an issue with something or another, and the guys who have quirks that aren’t exactly endearing but moreso, well, difficult!  

How do I actually describe “The Difficult Guy”? It’s all relative, right? Well, Liz Kaydanovsky over at Elite Daily found a way to label these impossible men, but let me introduce you to the most frequent participants in my life.

#1 The Controller: This guy is the one who thinks your dress is too form-fitting, your shorts are too short, and your top is too low. He doesn’t exactly come out swinging with insults, but his comments are enough for you to notice. These types of guys always take it two steps further and impart their opinions on just about everything – your friends, your hobbies, and your appearance. Worse, he judges you and others because he thinks he’s perfect. Talk about impossible.

#2 Mr. Nothing-Is-Ever-Right: This is the guy who gives you the occasional impression that he wants you near, but he merely pushes you away the second you get close. Essentially, he’s unavailable, but not really. Confusing, right? He’s actually not that confusing because his depth barely reaches the surface. Hopefully, you realize that before you take the bait. 

#3 King of the world: Just as the title suggests, this is the guy who believes he sits on an invisible throne and should be treated accordingly, 24.7. He wants your attention and he wants all of it. In his eyes, the world revolves around him, and your world should revolve around him, too. Narcissism at its finest.

As such a smart and in tune woman, why have I tolerated difficult men like this in the past? Based on my research, “intelligent people welcome difficult tasks, difficult people, and difficult situations.” The challenge is present in these difficult men, and women like myself somehow want to rise to the challenge. The more difficult the man, the more I want to conquer him. In my quest to “win” them over, I use my determined mindset and unquestionable charm to attempt to tame them. However, in this same quest to win them over, they push me to my limits, intellectually and emotionally, because it seems like they can never be stimulated enough. 

On the other hand, there are also things that felt good about relationships with these types of men. I learned to defend myself, I learned my limits, and I’ve been able to establish boundaries and standards as a result of these difficult men. These men made me step my game up.

But now, with my newfound confidence, clarity, and emotional stamina, I’m ready to encounter easy-going, stable, and secure men because maybe, just maybe, I don’t have to constantly fight to prove my worth, especially to a man who can’t be happy in the first place.

So, I’ll keep y’all updated on how it goes with Mr. Easygoing. For now, Nicole is right… it’s refreshing. 


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